My dear daughter, Jesus reign in your heart to fill it and make it abound of your holy love!
I’m sorry I do not have the ability to give an adequate answer to all the points you expost me in your last one. I’ve been sick for three days and I leave the bed for a while to match yours, but you’ll be lenient if I’m very short. In general I assure you to be quiet about the conditions of your spirit, which is pleasing to God. I can not at all believe and therefore dispense from meditating just because you do not seem to get anything out of it. The sacred gift of prayer, my good daughter, is placed in the right hand of the Savior, and to the extent that you will be empty of yourself, that is of the love of the body and of your own will, and that you will go deep into the holy humility, the Lord will communicate it to your heart.
Have patience in persevering in this holy exercise of meditating and content yourself with starting small steps, as long as you have legs to run, and better wings to fly; be content to do obedience, which is never a small thing for a soul, which has chosen God for its portion and resigned to be for now a little nest bee that soon you will become a great bee able to make honey .
Humble always and lovingly before God and men, because God speaks to those who truly hold their humble heart before him and enrich him with his gifts. But the real reason why you do not try or better not always do your meditations well, I believe in this and I’m not mistaken.
You approach to meditate with a certain kind of alteration, together with a great anxiety, to find some object that can make your spirit remain happy and consoled, and this is enough to make you never find what you are looking for and do not lay your mind in the truth that you meditate and your heart is empty of affections.
My daughter, know that when one searches, with great haste and greed, a lost thing, he will touch it with his hands, he will see her with his eyes a hundred times, and he will never notice it. From this vain and useless anxiety you can not derive anything but a great weariness of spirit and impossibility of mind, of stopping on the object that keeps in mind, and from this then, as from its own cause, a certain coldness and stupidity of the soul specifically in its effective part. I know of no other remedy in this regard, other than this: to get out of this anxiety, because she is one of the greatest traitors that the true virtue and only devotion can ever have: pretends to warm up to the good work, but does not; if not to cool down, and does not make us run to make us stumble and for this we need as I told you many times in a loud voice, look at every occasion, particularly in prayer, and to better succeed it will be good to remember that graces and tastes of the prayer they are not waters of the earth, but of the Sky and therefore all our efforts are not enough to make it fall, although it is necessary to dispose of it with great diligence, yes, but always humble and quiet; it is necessary to keep the heart open towards the sky, and wait for the heavenly dew beyond; do not forget to bring, my daughter, with you this prayer to prayer because with it you will approach God, and you will place yourself in his presence for two main reasons.
The first to give God the honor and the respect we owe him, and this can be done without Him speaking to us, nor we to Him, because this obligation is fulfilled by recognizing that He is our God, and we his vile creatures, that we are prostrate with our spirit before Him waiting for His commands. How many courtiers are there who come and go a hundred times in the presence of the King not to speak to him or to listen to him, but simply to be seen by him, and with that assiduousness to be known for his true servants? This way of being in the presence of God solely to protest with our desire to recognize ourselves as His servants is most holy, most excellent, most pure and of great perfection.
You laugh but I speak seriously.
The second reason why one stands in the presence of God in prayer, is to speak to him, and to hear His voice through his internal inspirations and illuminations, and ordinarily this is done with great taste, because it is a grace signaled to us. speaking to such a great Lord, Who, when he answers, spreads a thousand precious balms and ointments upon us, which bring great joy to the soul. Now, my good daughter, one of these two goods can never fail you in prayer.
If you can speak to the Lord, speak to him, praise Him, listen to Him; if you can not speak to be rough, do not be sorry, in the ways of the spirit, stop in the room, like the courtiers and give them reverence. He who will see will appreciate your patience, will favor your silence and another time you will be comforted, when He will take you by the hand, He will speak with you, will make a hundred walks in your company for the avenues of His prayer garden, and when that never happen, which is said to be impossible, because to this father so tender he will not hold his heart to see his creature in perpetual fluctuation, contented because our obligation is to follow Him, considering that honor and grace too great for us that He will tolerate us in His presence. In this form you will not be worried about talking to them, because the other opportunity to be with him is no less useful, indeed perhaps much more, although it is less in keeping with our taste. Therefore, when you, you will find yourself with God in prayer, consider your truth, speak to him if you can, and if you can not stop, let him see, and do not take any other trouble.
Regarding the anticipation of your return, you are better off to subject to the other will, that is to that of yours, and so you will avoid further disturbances.
My prayers, of which you make me an instance, never fail you, because I can not forget you that it costs me so many sacrifices and that I have given birth to God in the extreme pain of the heart; I trust in charity, that in yours you will not forget who carries the Cross for everyone.
I bless you with all the outpouring of my soul and I recommend it.
PIO – Cappuccino